Meditation Journal - See As We See

Not long after the initial vision with Little Deer (Awanita) along the hiking trail at Jones Gap, I returned at the behest of a new friend I met along the Red Road. His name is John, a Cherokee and member of the Long Hair clan. John is a flute maker, storyteller and artist. He said I was to bring certain items with me to offer in ceremonial prayer to encourage another meeting with Little Deer. I was to bring a ceramic bowl, white sage, sweet grass and tobacco. I found the right tobacco, while John and his wife, Jean provided me with white sage and sweet grass.

According to my instructions, I needed to find the same location on the trail where the first vision had taken place. However, I arrived that Saturday morning to find the parking lot filled almost to capacity. I knew performing this ceremony along the main hiking trail would be awkward at best with so many visitors around. As I approached the main trail, my attention diverted to a small side trail that went off more toward the mountainside. I felt led to take this trail instead, as I knew it would tend to escape the notice of others.

The near moment after stepping off the main thoroughfare, Awanita was there to meet me. She was small and wore a dress made of skins, as she did when we first met. Her long dark hair pulled back into a single braid that extended well past her delicate shoulders. She quietly walked behind me and slightly to my right as we followed the trail into the woods. I look back toward her a couple of times, to reassure myself. Each time, she looked back up toward me and made eye contact with a soft smile, as if to be reassuring. I continued walking upward along a bend in the path until I came upon an elevated circle of land surrounded by a few large trees and some rocks. Beyond this circle lay huge boulders that climbed the mountainside.

Upon reaching the circle, I unpacked my knapsack to prepare for the ceremony. While following the instructions of my friend, I made a tobacco offering to the four directions as I prayed. Then I lighted the smudge made of white sage and sweet grass. I spoke with my spirit companion and invited her people to be with us. As I did this, I tried to quiet my mind and remain sensitive to who would come. However, I felt no one’s presence, but hers. To complicate matters, the sage would not stay lit. I attempted to light it and keep the sacred mixture burning, but to no avail. As a result, I was unable to quiet my own spirit - so much so, that I was missing what was occurring all around me. I could sense that Awanita was kneeling behind me, slightly to my right. She placed her hand on my back and began to pray. She finally said of my repeated attempts to keep the sage lit, “You do not need to do that. They are here.” I looked up, suddenly aware of their presence surrounding me.

I was at peace now, and settled into a gentle meditation to receive come what may. Briefly, during this time, I saw an image I was not at all expecting - the face of a bear looking out from the hollow of a very large tree. I was somewhat concerned because he was starring at me rather intently. He seemed to be studying me very closely, measuring me. There was nothing aggressive about him. Still, I could not escape his presence, which exuded so much power and strength. My two perceptions of this remarkable animal were that he was a protecting and guiding spirit of these people, and that might become the same to me by extension of my relationship with the people.

As these events transpired, the young woman continued to rest her hand on my back as she prayed. I could feel she was imparting something into me. I found myself nourished in my spirit by her prayers and by her touch. After what seemed to be about one half hour of time, I felt directed to look up. As I did, the view of the forest and the mountains around me illuminated with a warm, life giving light from the unseen world. Everything looked different somehow, more special - more my own. Awanita spoke.

“See as we see.” That was all she said. It was all she needed to say. To quote Black Elk, an Oglala Sioux medicine man:

“And while I stood there I saw more than I could tell, and I understood more than I saw; for I was seeing in a sacred manner the shapes of things in the spirit, and shape of all shapes as the must live together like one being.” From Black Elk Speaks - John Neihardt.

See as wee see. This meant so many things to me - not only to see the tragedy that befell these people through their eyes, but everything; Jones Gap, the Earth Mother, all of life, and the spirit world. This revelation was both wonderful and hard to swallow. Soon, the illumination in the forest dimmed, and all was as it had been. I basked in the sweetness of what had taken place, but soon realized it was time to leave. I packed my gear and proceeded back toward the main trail. Awanita walked behind me, slightly to my right, as before. Once again, I glanced back and she made eye contact with and smiled.

Finally, as we approached the main trail about fifty feet ahead, I sensed she had stopped. I turned and looked back. Awanita stood in the middle of the path and raised her right hand, palm facing out, signaling me not to approach. Without speaking words, she said goodbye. She turned and walked away. I stood and watched, amazed, as her steps became a slow trot. Suddenly, the illumination returned to the forest, lighting everything in a magical way. As Awanita jogged up the trail and began to turn with the path, she looked back toward me one last time. In my spirit, I could hear her reminder. “See as we see.” Then her image faded into thin air as she ran off into the woods.

An important transformation was taking place in me. I stood there undone, only to begin anew - a new path - a returning to the deep inner longings of my youth being touched by the mysteries of the Earth and her Creator.

Post script: While driving home from Jones Gap that day, I entered a valley that sits peacefully before the mountains. I have driven through here possibly fifty times before. However, this day I happened to see a small, barely noticable sign posted next to a tree. It simply read, Awanita Valley. Coincidence?